Back in May 2013, I ended my relationship with my ex-girlfriend of 4 years after learning she had exposed me to an STD because of her cheating, and I told her we would have no further contact. She continued to send me texts and emails for several days. In one of her emails, she said that I was a “stepping stone to her true happiness”. Initially I dismissed this as I deleted the email, but I later realized that this was her entire narcissistic approach to life wrapped up in one brief sentence.
1. Saying that I was a “Stepping stone to her true happiness” says that our entire 4 year relationship was a sham relationship, and she was just biding her time with me until she found someone that could “truly make her happy”. She was doing nothing but using me. This is devaluing and discounting at it’s finest.
2. The fact that she looked at me as a “Stepping stone to her true happiness” meant that she was incapable of finding validation and happiness internally, and looked to things or people outside of herself to provide her happiness. This is typical of someone with narcissistic personality disorder. A person with NPD will never realize that the person that will ensure their “true happiness” doesn’t exist. True happiness comes from inside.
3. Saying that I was a “Stepping stone to her true happiness” says that she mistakenly thought I might be able to provide her with the ever increasing narcissistic supply she needed. Now she realized that I wasn’t willing to continue to sacrifice myself for her cause any longer, which I’m sure made her very angry – first because I failed to live up to her unspoken expectations as a continued source of narcissistic supply, but more so because she had placed her *trust* in me to be a continued source of narcissistic supply and I had failed. This meant I needed to be discounted for my failure to be her primary source of narcissistic supply and for violating her trust.
If there is one thing I’ve learned through my dealings with narcissists, is that THEY WILL TELL YOU what they honestly think of you when they randomly blurt out something that seems ridiculous and later pretend that it never happened, or gaslight you into thinking that you heard their obtuse comment wrong. Honestly, I think they can’t help themselves with their comments. They feel that they have such power over you that they need to “strut their stuff” and show you how worthless you are. Unfortunately the co-dependent that’s been trained since birth to accept this behavior rationalizes it and believes the narcissist that they didn’t hear / interpret / understand the comment correctly. Meanwhile, the narcissist silently gloats at having told the co-dependent how worthless they are and getting away with it.