2 comments on “Is it Murder?

  1. Pingback: Golden@2300 | The Narcissist's Son

  2. I think every teenager committing suicide and every underage child dying because parents systematically neglected/abused them is murder. Your brother however was already an adult. This is where lines blur. At some point we are supposed to be accountable of our own actions even if we are people who grew up in a world where never saw anyone on our live doing that. When do we start excusing your brother from his self destructive behaviour too much?

    Our parents influence stays with us all our lives. Your mothers behaviour certainly is to be taken into consideration but there is also your brother who saw his mother treat you the way she did all his life and then saw himself falling out of favour without overcoming his own denial. There is his selfish wife who contributed to his demise by simply not caring about him at all. Triple joint murder? Maybe things like that can not be pinned down.

    In my family something like that happened as well: my (likely narcissistic ADHD) grandmother and her enabling husband, my (likely autistic) grandfather had two children: my “father” (diagnosed ADHD in his adult years and likely also autistic) and my aunt. I never knew how to connect to people (autism and abuse interact in funny ways…) but i strongly suspect both siblings were/are very anxious, depressed and in denial. I never knew much about my aunt, sadly. Eventually my aunt died aged 48 from an aneurysm.

    She was a nurse, got a call from her boss saying she can keep her job. She was so happy about that she died from it. The euphoria caused a change in blood pressure which made the blood vessel in her brain burst. Being good enough was literally not survivable. I went no contact with my “family” but still got to witness my grandmother being on the phone with someone I was visiting. Making my “father” being laid off all about herself, saying if she looses him as well she will kill herself. That’s how she works. It’s not that surprising to me that my “father” is physically sick beyond his years by decades. All this pain needs to be felt one way or another.

    It is well known abuse significantly lowers your overall health and your life expectancy. This adverse childhood experiences study was really interesting in that respect. In that vein: are governments who do not do more to prevent abuse complicit in such murders as well? After all your mother was allowed to keep her children because she did not bruise you visibly. My grandmothers both were and so were my parents. It’s not like psychological wounds can not be spotted but it’s so much easier to look away…

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