4 comments on “The Scream

  1. Stephen,
    One more. This’ll be three tonight,
    The texting function of this app works better if I text you from my Follow Page than if I try to text you from your blog. I just figured that out this morning.
    For me, this is the most devastating of all your entries. I wish there was someone there to call them on their Sadistic Cowardice.
    Screaming is a regenerative act of discharging great pain, both physical and emotional, from the body. It is altogether healthy and natural. Continuing to scream while they tried shaming you out of it was a courageous act of defiance.
    You know this already, but you cannot heal in their presence. They have a huge investment in maintaining their ”happiness” by suppressing yours. They may not even be conscious that they are doing that.
    But they are.
    Keep up the great writing.
    Vic Stxyn

  2. Hi Vic,

    I firmly believe that no one in my family knows how invested they are in maintaining the family dynamic. When image is everything, and maintaining the family dynamic supports the image that is to be conveyed, the family dynamic must be maintained at all costs. If there are casualties as a result of maintaining the family dynamic and thereby the family image, then that’s the price to be paid. I honestly feel that if I had truly reached the end of my rope and committed suicide, my parents would have felt vindicated and my act would have cemented the family dynamic and my status as a failure in their eyes. They never would have felt in any way responsible for me reaching that level of utter despair. I would have committed suicide because I was “just feeling sorry for myself”.

    Truthfully, when my father said I was “just feeling sorry for myself” during this episode and I screamed even louder, I was being defiant. I actually remember the feeling. I was just fed up. So fed up.

    I’m glad that you find my experiences and writing helpful. If my ability to convey my experiences helps others to relate to their experiences and receive some level of validation, I certainly have found a way to create a positive outcome out of my life’s turmoil.

    Stephen Bach

  3. I just found your blog and am the scapegoated daughter of an BPD/NPD mother and NPD father (who abandoned me after my parents divorce at 2 years so lucky on that count, I guess). I had the same situation as you: after our fifth move in as many years I am thirteen and starting school a month late as per usual. I am humilitated mortified and alone my first weeks of school. My mother says to me one day, “Why don’t you find something to do with your friends” after I’d been there a week. I just lost it and melted down on the floor and screamed I don’t have any friends and had a tantrum as she and NPD step father (she married three times and they were all narcs go figure) watched. Had another bedroom meltdown where everyone was ignoring me a few years later and I literally screamed out for my mother for forty minutes before she came in the room. These people are priceless. No comfort will ever be provided without an audience they want to impress. Thanks for your writing!

    • Hi Susana!

      I’m so so sorry to hear of what you had to endure growing up. Being a scapegoat is a horrible thing to endure, and I can definitely empathize with what it must have been like for you.

      You are totally right: If they have an audience to impress, they behave totally differently. They bend over backwards to help and show how great of a parent they are! It’s DISGUSTING!

      I think BPD is actually harder to deal with than NPD, although they are different and the same (confusing, I know). I have an ex-wife that has every trait of BPD (albeit undiagnosed). I knew she had issues. I married her anyway. Yikes! NPD is more subtle. They do a really good job of keeping me off balance and making me think I’m the crazy one. It can go on like that for a long time. With my last PD relationship, it took until my partner cheated on me and exposed me to an STD before I realized just how off balance she was.

      I hope that through your realizations that you have been able to find some peace.

      Stephen Bach

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