2 comments on “Hope and Change

  1. This is one that I’ll probably read and re-read in the coming months to remind myself. I started – let’s call it minimal contact – a few months ago. And enjoyed the freedom of learning to like myself and the clarity of noticing their attempts to trigger me when we did have contact. (Still have to have some contact as we are not done disentangling ourselves, unfortunately. Sale of the family property will be done soon – then I can completely be done!) Anyway – thank you for putting this out there. I had a few light bulb moments while reading it. It does seem that no matter how benign the conversation may seem – they are gleaning some nugget out of it to use. Which is something that we need to remind ourselves. And NOT fall into the “they aren’t as bad as they used to be” trap – thinking that that means something. It probably just means that they are re-grouping, because though we are not responding in the old “correct” way we are still responding. I thank you for pointing out that distinction.
    I guess I have some more grieving to do before I’ll be ready to go No Contact and accept that there’s no hope. *sigh* It is something that my brain realizes. But my heart still WANTS there to be hope.

  2. Hi Megan,

    I’m glad that you found this post useful. I’m glad that limited contact is helping you to see the the effect they have historically had on you. I can certainly empathize with how hard it can be and how your heart wants there to still be hope. Do keep in mind that no contact doesn’t have to be forever, but I do feel that going no contact, at least for a period of time, helps me to regroup and separate the emotional aspects (hope) from the factual aspects (historical evidence) and work towards an effective game plan if and when I may want to reestablish contact.

    That being said, it’s truly sad that in order to have a relationship with the narcissists with whom we have a history that we need to essentially divorce ourselves emotionally form the situation so we can establish boundaries and stick to them. Doesn’t exactly make for a fun Christmas, but it does make for a Christmas where it might be possible to at least be around family and walk away when it’s over knowing it’s them and not me. I’m not there yet and it may well be a while before I get there. This Christmas should be interesting with no contact with my only surviving family members. I’m guessing I’ll hear something from them at sometime during the next few weeks.

    Stephen Bach

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