As I mentioned in the comments of my most recent post (https://thenarcissistsson.wordpress.com/2015/08/13/wine-women-and-song-and-other-deletions/), I seem to have painted a picture of my current situation that is much more bleak than what is truly the case.
The changes I’ve been forced to go through have been a huge adjustment. I would estimate that a good 40% of who I define myself to be was somehow affected. I think that these huge changes are what has led to my depressive symptoms, but I don’t feel as though I’m truly depressed. I’ve been much worse, honestly. This is more just a big adjustment, and it’s taken me some time to figure it all out.
A few clarifications on the previous post:
- I have no interest in dating at this time, but I do envision a return to dating at some point in the future. It might be a year or so before I’m open to it again. Frankly, my recent dating history has left me exhausted, and I could really use the break.
- I do plan to continue to play guitar, I’m just not sure exactly how to go about it yet moving forward. Recently, things have been very unsteady with my band and I’ve had to use many fill-ins, so I’m looking at this as a chance for some downtime and a time to refocus and forge a new direction with my music. I’ve been doing essentially the same thing for 10 years. Time for something different.
- I’m not having any issues at work. In fact, if anything, my work has improved. It seems that my work b***s*** tolerance has dropped dramatically since this all occurred, and that has resulted in new levels of respect from many of my coworkers. I’ve always been quite straightforward in a work environment, but now, I have absolutely no tolerance for anything more than “just the facts, please”.
I’ve been focusing a great deal on my time with my daughter. Without other things going on in my life, I’m better able to focus on her during our times together. Last weekend we went to the fair and rode rides and ate a bunch of bad food on a stick. It was fun!
I’ve also taken a very strong interest in bicycling. Last week I biked 120 miles. I have 2 road bikes, a mountain bike, and a recently purchased fat bike. A fat bike is like an overgrown mountain bike that has 4″ (100mm) wide tires on it. It’s heavy and slow but a lot of fun! It’s the monster truck of bicycles and I can ride it just about anywhere! One of the things the fat bikes are good for is riding in snow. I’m actually looking forward to trying it out in the snow, which means I’m looking forward to snow for like the first time in 15 years!
Now for the bad: I have an offer from the District Attorney on the table regarding my OWI that I plan to take. I would plead No Contest to only the OWI charge and all other charges would be dropped. It will mean that I will have to pay a large fine, obtain an alcohol assessment, attend DUI school, and will lose my license for 6 months. I don’t think I really have any other options. The deal that is being offered is the minimum I can be penalized while still being convicted for OWI in my locale, which means that if I decided to fight it and still was convicted, the best I could end up with would be exactly the deal I have on the table right now. I will be eligible for an occupational license, so at least I’ll be able to drive my daughter where she needs to go and get to work. Some rough figuring puts the cost of my OWI at close to $20,000 when it’s all done, and I didn’t even pay for my last drink!
One other huge plus out of all this: I’ve quit smoking. I’ve smoked on and off for the better part of 30 years, having at one time taken a 11 year break from smoking (started back up again when I went through my first divorce), as well as several other breaks. I’m a person that gets very addicted to nicotine, and gets very irritable when I quit, so be happy you’re on that side of the screen!! I figured if I’m giving up vices, I might as well go for broke. I’m giving up sex, drugs, and rock and roll all at once! Quitting smoking is 1,452 times harder than quitting drinking. It sucks! But it’s a great time to quit. I have nothing in my life other than my daughter and my job, so I’m much better able to manage stress and triggers that would normally be problematic to my commitment to quit.
Thanks to all of you for your continued support. I’m working my way through all my emails and I promise to get to yours soon if you haven’t heard from me.
I also have some wild ideas for some future posts, plus the whole alcoholism thing has opened a door to an entirely new world of narcissism that I never new existed. Much to write about!
Best wishes on your continued healing journey!